Monday, June 27, 2011

Does Bob Riley's Motorcycle Crash in Alaska Mean Payback Is a Bitch?

Bob Riley

Does God have curious ways of making sure that corrupt SOBs pay for their misdeeds? I'm starting to think the answer is yes after learning earlier today that former Alabama Governor Bob Riley crashed his motorcycle in Alaska.

Riley used his long-planned motorcycle trip as an excuse to escape testifying (so far) in the ongoing federal electronic-bingo prosecution in Montgomery--a sideshow that was caused almost entirely by Riley's pathological desire to shut down gaming that would compete with his Mississippi Choctaw financial backers.

U.S. Magistrate Terry Moorer, in a decision that was both legally and ethically dubious, allowed Riley to get away without testifying. So what does the former governor do with his good fortune? He goes to Alaska and darned near kills his silly self.

Riley is alive, but he did not get away unscathed among the abundant wildlife of the American North. Riley crashed on a gravel road near Fairbanks, Alaska, and here is how The Birmingham News reported the results:

Riley, 66, lost control of his Harley-Davidson motorcycle while traveling on a gravel road north of Fairbanks. He suffered 7 broken ribs, a broken clavicle and a punctured lung, according to Rob Riley, his oldest son.

Rob Riley said he spoke to his father late Sunday. He said doctors told him his father would be hospitalized for at least several days.

"He's pretty banged up, but he's fine," Rob Riley said. "He's disappointed because this isn't the way he wanted to end the trip, but otherwise he's in good spirits."

Interestingly, certain members of the Riley clan don't seem to be in a big hurry to visit their fallen "leader":

Rob Riley, a lawyer in Birmingham, said he was leaving this afternoon to fly to Fairbanks, and that his mother, former First Lady Patsy Riley, would fly up later this week.

“God was watching out for him,” Patsy Riley said in a statement released by the family. “We feel blessed because it could have been so much worse.”

Patsy must be worried, but it sounds like she's going to wait for super-saver airfare to Alaska.

One can only imagine the guffaws that must have erupted among defendants in the bingo trial upon hearing that Bob Riley and his macho image had crashed--and almost burned. A few key questions come to mind: Was Bob's pompadour 'do mussed in the crash? Did his cowboy boots get scratched?

I wonder if chief defendant Milton McGregor imagined Riley being thrown from his bike, where humans could not see him, screaming helplessly as grizzly bears fed on his miserable carcass. If McGregor did not imagine that scenario, I sure as hell did.

Here is more delicious irony: A long-time Riley watcher tells me that the motorcycle excursion almost certainly is a smokescreen, that it's not the "Bob goes back to Nature" tour that is being portrayed. Our source says it probably is about meetings with oil magnates, Russian or Canadian gambling honchos, or foreign interests who might be interested in bankrolling another run for public office.

Did Bob Riley's lust for power and cash almost get him killed? Hmmm.

Some Riley haters, of which I definitely am one, probably thought, "Damn, why didn't he buy the farm?" But that never entered my mind. I want him to be in fine shape when Lady Justice finally locks her jaws around his neck--so he can feel some of the pain he's helped inflict on others.

It's certainly possible that Bob Riley never will be held accountable for his monstrous crimes. But I still hold out hope that a just God is paying attention and will eventually bring Big Bob to his knees.

If and when that day comes, Bob Riley might look back on his motorcycle crash as "the good old days."


Anonymous said...

I love this, Roger! Definitely the best article you've ever written!

Cher said...

I am laughing so hard I have tears running down my cheeks. Roger this is priceless and talking about hitting the nail on the head. I love your column and it is uncanny how you write the words I think. Keep up the good work. No love lost here for Riley for sure. Thank you for speaking out.

Robby Scott Hill said...

If I see evidence that a god was behind this, Then, I would be delighted to attend the religious services held in his honor & give him some $$$, because gods, like Governor Riley are all knowing & all powerful, but they seem to have some sort of problem handling their money.

Anonymous said...

I think the upside down mirrors, not the pompadour, were the culprits. Kind of like how he left the state - upside down!!

Robby Scott Hill said...

Hmmm. Sunday of all days too. Had that been me, "good x-tian folks" would have said, "He should have been in church & not scheming to avoid court. Got what he deserved while skating his responsibilities."

Anonymous said...

If words have meanings, if "aborigine" can provoke a "heartfelt outcry" then your words of antipathy mark you as a hypocrite and hater.

I never thought a state employee (you know, the annointed ones who collect salaries while in prison) could ever get sacked for incompetence, but I guess you really made the grade.

Redeye said...

Tell how your really feel LS:)

It's a good thing old Bob has access the best daggum government heathcare our tax dollars will buy.

Steve said...

"“God was watching out for him,” Patsy Riley said in a statement released by the family. “We feel blessed because it could have been so much worse.”"
No Patsy. God was telling Bob " You should have stayed home to testify in the bingo corruption trial in Montgomery Alabama. So God pushed him off his bike. If God was watching out for him he would not have had the accident!

Anonymous said...

What? Patsy wasn't his fender bunny on the grand wilderness tour?

Anonymous said...

"Payt See" was at the Red Neck Riveria dragging it through the salt water!! I wonder who was with Gomer? Was he alone all by himself that long way?

Anonymous said...

This is a new low even for you Roger.

legalschnauzer said...

You don't think Bob Riley's a corrupt SOB? You don't think he and his associates knowingly stole an election 2002? You don't think MS Choctaw money was funneled through Jack Abramoff to help Riley? You don't think he corrupted our justice system and left our economy in tatters? You don't think he corruptly enriched friends and family members during his governorship? Have you been hiding in a cave for the past 8-10 years?

Anonymous said...

It is beyond any sense of humanity to write such a pathetic article. But you did get one thing right: PAYBACK IS HELL ....and yours is a "fait accompli".

legalschnauzer said...

Hey Anon:

You aren't as anonymous as you think you are. I know who you are, and you might be surprised at what payback might be coming your way.

Out of one side of your mouth, you try to lecture me about "humanity." Out of the other side, you claim "payback will be hell" for me.

Sounds like you are one sorry excuse for a human. You also are a coward, posting under "Anonymous." You aren't fooling me because I know who you are.

A lesson you are going to learn: Don't f--k with the Schnauzer.

David said...

Roger, why don't you just tell who Anon really is. Maybe if we knew who Anon is some of us could send you enough info for you to write a whole post about Anon.

legalschnauzer said...


Send me a private e-mail at, and we can go from there.


Panamaed said...

I wish Bob had been kept Federal Witness Protection...where he belongs....