Thursday, August 4, 2011

One Judge Livens Up the Bench With Corn-Pone Comedy

Judge Martin J. Sheehan

Receiving judicial orders in the mail is one of life's most distasteful experiences. Judicial orders tend to be less-than-compelling reading. And they almost always are the intellectual equivalent of horse excrement--emitting a foul odor while having nothing to do with the actual facts and law at hand. At least that has been my experience.

So I could not help but appreciate one judge's efforts to spice up his orders by adding some country humor that seems right out of Hee Haw.

Martin J. Sheehan, a circuit judge in Kenton County, Kentucky, gives the impression that he was rather pleased to see a settlement in a case styled Barbara Kissel v. Schwartz Maines and Ruby Co., LPA, et al. How happy was Sheehan to receive word of the settlement? This is from his order--and you be the judge:

And such news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off a twelve-foot step ladder into a five-gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two-week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than a mosquito in a mannequin factory;


1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011, is hereby CANCELED.

You can almost hear Sheehan shouting, "Can I have an amen?"

I have no idea if Martin J. Sheehan is an honest and/or competent judge. But I like the guy, by golly. At least he put some thought into his order--and tried to make something positive out of the usual sludge that comes with a court case. That is far more than I can say for most judges.

You can check out Sheehan's full order in the Kissel case below:

Judge's Corn-Pone Order


Robby Scott Hill said...

I guess we should be thankful that we have the benefit of a show trial, a few of which are very entertaining. Bad people would be happy if they could jail us & take our property without so much as a hearing.

Robby Scott Hill said...

One such motion was a “Motion to Kiss My Ass”, in which me moved “all Americans at large and one corrupt Judge Smith to kiss my got damn ass sorry mother fucker you.”

The motion was denied.

jeffrey spruill said...

Sounds like an official judicial order emanating from the court of Judge Robert G. Doumar.

I mean they're ALL corn pone.

jeffrey spruill said...

Judge Corn-Pone Doumar

Jay Croft said...

Here's a link--