Sunday, August 17, 2008

Fun With Whacky Headlines

One of the lessons from journalism school that has stuck with me is this: Never try to get cute with a headline about a tragedy.

I recall one from class, on a story about a salt-mine disaster, that went something like this:

A Dozen Miners Neatly Seasoned with 20 Tons of Salt


Even if you follow the "tragedy" rule, the headline trade offers numerous opportunities to screw up--often with hilarious results.

We deal with serious stuff much of the time here at Legal Schnauzer, so we could use a chance to lighten up. And what better way than to honor some of the best (actual) headlines from the past year or so. Thanks to an alert reader on the Mississippi coast for turning us on to these:

* Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [Imagine that!]

* Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]

* Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!]

* Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]

* Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

* Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

* War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]

* If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]

* Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!]

* Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]

* Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

* Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [He probably IS the battery charge!]

* New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]

* Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

* Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]

* Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

* Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]

* Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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