My wife and I received holiday greetings from an unexpected source on December 20. His name is Bubba Caldwell, a deputy with the Shelby County Sheriff's Department. (Actually, his last name might be Caldell. Had trouble understanding his voice message.)
Anyway, our guy Bubba (I'm not making this name up, folks; this is Alabama after all) left the message on my wife's cell phone. Why Bubba and his buddy, Eddie Moore, keep leaving messages on my wife's cell phone is beyond me. They are calling about a lawsuit to which my wife was not a party; it involved only me.
I noted in an earlier post the efforts of Shelby County's finest to harass us over a document called a writ of execution. We've received at least six phone messages about it, and it all seems part of a concerted effort to get me to quit blogging.
There is no evidence to suggest anyone is serious about the writ because it is improperly executed and thus invalid under the law. I've got an old Three Dog Night album at home (vinyl--ah, the good old days) that has more legal potency than Bubba's worthless piece of paper.
But Bubba's out for blood. Here is the contents of his voice message of December 20:
"Officer Eddie Moore has made contact with your wife pertaining to a debt that we have a writ of execution for, from Mike McGarity (my neighbor with the criminal record). I think you're familiar with it. They've listed your automobile to be picked up, and we've not had any return calls on it. We're getting ready to pick up this automobile from yo house. So you need to call me--Officer Bubba Caldwell (?) at 670-6039."
I might need to translate those words "yo house" for those of you who do not speak Redneck as a first language. In English, I believe that means "your house." In this case, I believe Bubba is saying he is going to pick up my car at my house.
This all raises a number of questions:
* How is Bubba planning to get our cars, which we keep in our garage? Is he planning to break in?
* If Bubba breaks into our home based on a document that is worthless as a cup of warm spit, could he be charged with a criminal offense?
* If I happened to be home, and noticed someone unlawfully breaking into my home and attempting to take my property, would I be justified in clubbing Bubba over the head with the nearest weapon--say, my tennis racket?
* Which is harder, Bubba's head or my tennis racket?
* Could Bubba's phone call, based on a worthless document, constitute harassing communications under Alabama's criminal code?
* It's been more than a month since Bubba left his message saying he was about to come and pick up our car. No sign of Bubba. What's keeping him? Is Bubba lost? I'm deeply concerned.
* Is this a sign of Alabama's taxpayer dollars at work? Is this a sign of how corrupt judges and lawyers use taxpayer resources in a pathetic effort to perpetuate fraud and cover their criminal asses? What about this: Shelby County, probably at the very moment Bubba placed his call, had someone cooking crystal meth, someone abusing a child, someone abusing a spouse, someone stealing something, someone violating traffic laws, and on and on. But what was Bubba doing? Wasting our tax dollars trying to "execute" a fraudulent document.
I would suggest that readers contact Bubba at (205) 670-6039 and ask him what in the hell he is doing.
Or better yet, contact Shelby County Circuit Clerk Mary Harris at (205) 669-3760 or email@example.com. She issued the bogus writ of execution. You might ask her why she issued a writ of execution that is invalid under the law. Does she just do anything my neighbor's attorney Bill Swatek wants, even though Swatek has a 30-year record of unethical activity in the legal profession.
I should note this: These phone calls from deputies started after I complained to Harris that her office was unlawfully classifying a felony assault against me as a misdemeanor. You might ask Harris this: Is this how you treat a citizen who complains about your office's conduct? You hit them with a fraudulent writ of execution?
And here are some of Bubba's superiors. Maybe they would like to explain why Bubba is wasting your tax dollars on an invalid document.