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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Obama Set to Appoint the First Schnauzer

While the mainstream media has focused on Barack Obama's appointment of Rahm Emmanuel as chief of staff, a far more important White House role is about to be settled.

Sources tell us that Obama is about to appoint his administration's "First Schnauzer." And trust us, we have good sources in the schnauzer community.

Obama and his wife, Michelle, made a deal with daughters Malia and Sasha that the family would get a dog when the presidential campaign was over. Now that Obama has won, it looks like the presidential puppy will arrive not long after the family is settled at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Recent news reports have noted that the Obamas are interested in a hypoallergenic dog because 7-year-old Malia has allergies. Scientists say there is no such thing as a truly hypoallergenic dog, but Malia seems to be partial to a goldendoodle, a cross between a golden retriever and a poodle.

The miniature schnauzer sheds very little and is one of several breeds known for being suitable for allergy sufferers. In fact, that's one of the factors we considered before getting our schnauzer, Murphy (1993-2004), because my wife has allergies. My wife never had any problems with Murphy around, and getting her proved to be the best decision we ever made. In fact, Mrs. Schnauzer has even done well with the two Tonkinese cats (Baxter and Chloe) that we have now.

Anyway, high government sources tell us that the Obamas might wind up with a schnauzer. What would be some of the advantages of getting a schnauzer?

* It would promote bipartisanship--When Bob Dole ran for president, he and wife Elizabeth had a schnauzer named "Leader." In fact, the Doles getting a schnauzer might have been the last intelligent decision Republicans have made in this country. Getting a schnauzer would help Obama "reach across the aisle."

* It would promote international unity--Schnauzers are the only member of the terrier group who are not from Great Britain; they are native to Germany, one of our most important allies. Would be a good diplomatic move for Obama.

* It would promote global initiatives--We hear more and more about the global economy. And that means Americans need to understand foreign cultures and languages. Did you know the schnauzer gets its name from the German word for "nose?" That's because the breed has a distinctive blunt muzzle. In fact, that lingo has crossed over into our country. Ever heard someone described has having a big "schnauz?" Well, that means the person has quite a honker. And its from the same German root that gives the schnauzer its name.

* It's important for presidents to do "cute"--Remember the pictures of "John John" Kennedy playing around in his father's office? An entire nation saw those photos and went, "Awwww." Well, Obama can do the same thing with his girls and their new puppy. Check out this photo of our Murphy when we first brought her home. Imagine the Obama girls playing with a dog like this:



Schnauzers do "cute" awfully well:



Finally, a schnauzer could help reduce the budget deficit. With a schnauzer on hand, Obama can save on White House security. Check out Murphy in one of her favorite poses, keeping an eye on our homestead. She was definitely our "director of homeland security."

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Or a standard schnauzer! very smart, and all heart.

Anonymous said...

I advocated a puggle or even better two rescued mini dachshunds

Monica said...

Fully agreed! I have been thinking this all along, esp. where allergy-friendly pets are concerned, schnauzers are so noble. But more importantly, they do "cute" exceptionally well. :)