To borrow a routine from Jeff Foxworthy, "If you talk tough, but sound like a dumb ass, you might be a cop"

Jeff Foxworthy

Jeff Foxworthy has made a nice living out of a comedy routine based on this premise: "You might be a redneck if . . . " For example, "If there are more than five McDonald's bags in your car . . . you might be a redneck."

Well, we've borrowed (OK, stolen) from Mr. Foxworthy to develop our own comedy routine. We'll admit it probably doesn't tickle the ribs quite the way ole Jeff's does, but we think it has potential. And it certainly fits with the theme of this blog.

Here is our premise: "You might be a cop if . . . "

For example, "If you can talk tough, but still sound like a dumb ass . . . you might be a cop."

Exhibit A is Greene County, Missouri, deputy Jeremy Lynn, who was on the scene for the unlawful eviction that left my wife, Carol, with a shattered left arm. Let's consider Lynn's words from his written statement about the eviction. We'll start with his version of what happened once officers burst through the front door of our duplex apartment:

The male was being verbally confrontational and resisting by non compliance to commands. Based on his actions, he was secured in handcuffs and removed from the home. He was identified as Robert (sic) Shuler.

Once outside, both parties [Carol and me] continued to scream and yell at us uncontrollably. Once we were able to calm them down, we advised them they were being evicted per a court order. Both parties continued to debate the legalities and justification of our actions. It was then explained that they were leaving per the court order, and if they wanted any property from in the home, they would need to calm down, then they would be allowed to get it.

The home had been posted before the eviction and neither party had made any effort to pack the home.

We will ignore, for now, all of the false material in these three short paragraphs, material that does not even agree with the accounts of three other officers. But let's zero in on Deputy Lynn's tough-guy routine:

* He "advised" us that we were "being evicted per a court order";

* He says Carol and I "continued to debate the legalities and justification of our actions" (With each other? With the cops?);

* He suggests cops had little interest in discussion about actual Missouri law, so it was explained that we "were leaving per the court order."

Jeremy Lynn

As you can see, Lynn's tough-guy routine consists mostly of tossing around heavy lingo about a court order. But he winds up looking like a dumb ass because . . . well, there was no court order. We've shown that in two previous posts. (See here and here.) In fact, there could not be a valid court order because the judge in the rent-and-possession claim brought by landlord Trent Cowherd had issued only an interlocutory judgment. That means it was not final, was not appealable, and could not support execution of an eviction.

Lynn only adds to his dumbassery by acting aghast -- even verklempt -- that we had made no effort to pack the home.

Uh, officer, maybe that's because there had been no court order, signed by a judge, instructing us to leave. The Notice of Appeal we had filed the day before -- placing a stay on execution -- also might have had something to do with it.

If Jeremy Lynn had three brain cells to rub together, he might have looked at the court docket and seen the judgment was labeled "interlocutory," and a hearing was set for 10/1/15 to hear additional issues in the case. That meant no final judgment would be forthcoming until sometime after 10/1/15.

If Jeremy Lynn could figure stuff like that out, he wouldn't be a dumb ass. If he weren't a dumb ass, he probably wouldn't be a cop -- and he'd have no need for the tough-guy routine.