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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Smell Like A Whopper, Become a Hot Lover

I approached Mrs. Schnauzer with an idea for spicing up our love life.

"I'm going to try the new men's body spray by Burger King," I said.

"You're going to try the what?" she said. "By who?"

"A new body spray for men, by Burger King."

"Have you been reading The Onion again?"

"No, this is real. I read about it in the business section of the newspaper."

"What on earth is it called?"

"It's called Flame. The company describes it as "the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat."

"Won't you smell like a Whopper?"

"Well, yeah. Is there a problem with that?"

"Don't think you're going to attract many women with that. A pack of dogs maybe. But women? I doubt it."

At this point, I figured I should use a time-honored technique that husbands have used successfully throughout the ages. You take your own stupid idea/mistake/phase and pin it on your spouse. We experts call it "flipping"--as in flipping a burger, at Burger King.

"Hey, what if you're an oddball?" I told the Mrs. "What if other women find me and Flame irresistible?"

"You mean: What if the fact you smell like a Whopper causes you to drive other women wild with passion?"


"That's a risk I think I can live with."

I examined her face for a hint of the concern she was hiding so well.

I'm still looking.

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